I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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