I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
