we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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