Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
