If that was your dad, he is hot
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
