Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
