And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
