you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
