maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
