I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
