Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
