Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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