My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
