Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
