Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We are two peas in an std pod
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
