Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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