Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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