I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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