how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
