Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
home. puking in laundry basket.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
