I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
FUCK WHALES
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