Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I want her autograph on my taint
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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