How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
