Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
