This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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