I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
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He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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