i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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