last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
