I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
