i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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