So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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