I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize