Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
