Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just invented taco cereal.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
