I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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