This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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