my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
