dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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