Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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