my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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