I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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