Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
