she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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