Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
