I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
