That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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