Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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