After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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