Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
nutella sex= disaster
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
