I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
