She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
