Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
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And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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