someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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