Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
