i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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