I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
