That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
