just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
