Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
