Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
