i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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