is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
