Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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