with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i out mim tonsoeep
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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