three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
