my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
