she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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