What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
