4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
