This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
