Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
