I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
this hospital has no fireball
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
