i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
