I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
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Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
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Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Im part way to drunk.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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