I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
