What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
