I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
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We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
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She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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